How to Use a Vibrator If You Don’t Know Where to Start

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Vibrators designed for internal stimulation vary by size and shape. Some are curved or have bulbous ends for G-spot stimulation, like the Lovehoney G-Slim G-Spot Vibrator ($20, Lovehoney).

There are many different types of vibrating anal toys, too, including plugs, dildos, beads, and prostate massagers. All anal toys need to have flared bases or rings to keep them from getting stuck inside you—don’t use a vibrator without one inside your butt, ever, or you risk having it sucked in by your internal sphincter, as SELF previously reported. (Yes, this really happens. A lot. Ask any ER doctor.)

Dual vibrators, a.k.a. rabbit vibrators

These are also sometimes called rabbit vibrators because of their shape, which recalls two long bunny ears at the end (and because Samantha Jones was an iconic showboat about using a rabbit on that one episode of Sex and the City). They’re designed to get you off both internally and externally at the same time: Essentially, they’re insertable vibrators with an external arm angled to also hit your clitoris while the other part of the toy is inside you.

Many newer rabbit vibrators are adjustable and flexible to fit a range of bodies, like the We-Vibe Nova 2 ($149, Lovehoney) or Lelo Soraya 2 ($230, Lovehoney). But if you’re not feeling this: There’s nothing a rabbit vibrator can’t do that you can’t also achieve with separate internal and external vibrators, other than freeing up a hand.

Some notes on vibrator materials

What material your vibrator is made out of affects how it physically feels, what kind of lube you can use with it, and how to clean it. Ideally, you should take the material into consideration when choosing your toy in the first place, but it’s okay if you skipped that step—you can look up your toy online to double-check.

Silicone vibrators are among the most common out there. Their texture feels nice to the touch, and silicone is nonporous, making it safe and easy to clean. Another popular nonporous option is a toy made of acrylonitrile butadiene styrene (ABS) plastic. Other nonporous sex toy materials like metal and glass are less common in vibrators than they are in dildos, but they are out there.

See also How To Ride Your Man

On the other hand: Porous toys can retain bacteria even if you clean them, as SELF previously reported in a top-down guide to cleaning your sex toys. (That doesn’t mean you can’t use porous toys, like ones that contain materials called TPR or TPE, but if you want the option to easily sterilize your toy, stick to nonporous.)

No matter what, the general consensus among experts is that your toy should be phthalate-free, Howard says. Phthalates are a group of chemical plasticizers typically used to make plastics softer, so you usually spot them in jelly-like toys. Phthalates have come under fire for their potential to affect human health (the scientific jury is still out, according to the CDC) but in the name of “better safe than sorry,” you can easily find sex toys that are phthalate-free.

2. Read the instructions.

Okay, even if you’re eager to get your hot little hands on the toy itself, please make sure to read the little booklet that comes with it…. If not as the very first thing you do when you rip the plastic off, then sometime not too long after that. Your vibrator will usually come with a little booklet, including instructions for use and other important safety and maintenance information. In the very least, reading the instructions will give you a rundown of the controls. It’s useful to know, before you take it on a test drive, how to turn your vibrator on and off, as well as how to change between any different vibration patterns and speeds.

3. Do foreplay, even if you’re alone.

Even when you’re doing solo play, it’s nice to get into the mood, especially if you’re hoping to have an orgasm or two. Plus, it doesn’t hurt to loosen up and get some natural lubrication going. Either alone or with a partner: Set up the right lighting, playlist, and whatever other elements of your environment make you feel relaxed and turned on. Try touching your skin all over your body with your hand or toy before diving “straight to the center of the diamond,” as a friend of mine astutely refers to clitoral stimulation, or whatever erogenous zones you’re using your vibrator on. Watch or listen to porn, if that’s your bag.

4. Use lube, even if you’re not putting a vibrator inside you.

Plenty of things can cause vaginal dryness, and there’s nothing wrong with needing extra lubrication. In fact, there’s everything right with using lots of lube, whether or not you get wet on your own. Using sex toys in particular might make you feel a little dryer, since their moving parts and motors can generate heat that lessens moisture. The skin of your clit is also very sensitive, and dry stimulation might irritate it or just not feel that great.

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