8 Domestic Violence Survivors on How They’ve Reclaimed Their Joy

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Thanks to two reconstructive surgeries, years of physical therapy, and a driving determination to prove this man didn’t take every part of my identity from me, I’m proud to say that I ran a half-marathon last weekend. I ran every step of the way and crossed the finish line almost twenty minutes before I had hoped to. I ran farther and faster than I could before I was assaulted, and I am celebrating this accomplishment every day.” —Emily

4. “Paying off debt is my proof that the weight I acquired from an abusive marriage is being lifted from me.”

“Ever since I was a little girl, I was taught in church that the man was the head of the household and the woman was to submit. So when my husband made me pay all our bills and buy him flashy things, even when he had a high-paying job, I let him take the lead.

But a few years in, when a letter from the IRS revealed I was in far more debt than I thought I was due to his spending, I knew I had to free myself. I knew God wouldn’t want me to live a life full of abuse and mistreatment. Leaving put me into more debt with extended hotel stays and a move to be closer to my family, but my life improved so much afterward. Just recently, I hit a huge milestone: I finally paid off $30,000 in loans and credit card debt I’d accrued while I was with my ex. In that moment, I thought, Wow! I’m really getting back to me. I’m healing.” —Chantelle

5. “I found the relationship I’ve always dreamed of with someone who accepts and loves me for who I am.”

“I’m diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which I manage extremely well. But because it’s a lifelong condition, I disclose this condition to every partner in the event that we become serious. Unfortunately, my ex used this as leverage in every argument we had. If I felt lonely, sad, disrespected, or afraid of him, it was always because of my condition—never him.

After I left, I knew he was the toxic and abusive one. But I couldn’t help but feel as if my bipolar diagnosis made me unlovable. He’d told me I’d never be capable of being a wife or mother. I would think, Would every relationship of mine result in this toxicity? Would I ever be able to be the mom I wanted to be someday?

Fast forward to today, and I’m engaged to a wonderful person, someone who was so emotionally supportive throughout the most difficult time in my life. We have a baby girl on the way, and he says I’m going to make the most amazing mother. He’s never once raised his voice at me.

He’s aware of my bipolar disorder and never uses it against me. He chuckles when I spontaneously want to paint the ceiling blue—and he paints it with me. He holds me when I’m sad. And because I have such a healthy partner, symptoms of my bipolar disorder rarely negatively affect our relationship other than the occasional irritability. When that happens, he helps me laugh it away.” —Sarah

6. “Changing my name helped me start a new chapter of my life.”

“On my 31st birthday, my best friend threw me a party with a twist: We were celebrating my name change. When I left my abusive marriage, I knew I wanted to change my last name, but I had a lot of difficult memories attached to my family name too. So, I chose a brand new one for myself.

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