6 Bad Habits for Mental Health Therapists Are Begging You to Break

What to do instead: When a certain thought becomes nagging or keeps you from engaging with whatever’s right in front of you, Dr. Morray suggests finding some psychological distance from it with a technique called defusion (as in, unfusing yourself from it). That can be as simple as naming exactly what it is—for instance, rather than saying, “My life sucks,” you might say, “I’m having the thought that my life sucks,” Dr. Morray says. It seems like a small change, but the reminder that this is just a thought and not a set-in-stone reality can help you better challenge it or let it go.

2. You use negative consequences as motivation.

If you’ve ever told yourself, “I’m not going to pee until I get this done,” or “I can’t have lunch until I finish this project,” you’ve succumbed to this bad habit—which can take on the guise of self-discipline but has the mental effect of needlessly punishing yourself, Lisette Sanchez, PhD, a bilingual and bicultural licensed psychologist based in Long Beach, California, tells SELF. When you don’t do something in a specific way or at a particular time, “you’re not in trouble, and you don’t have to put yourself in the corner,” she emphasizes. “You’re an adult with free will, and you can create other systems to help you get things done.”

Even using the promise of a reward as motivation can be a slippery slope. Sure, telling yourself you can get a little treat, like an iced latte, if you finish a task might be a helpful incentive every now and then. But over time, you risk reinforcing the misconception that you’re only deserving of good things when you muscle through hard ones. And, Dr. Sanchez adds, you’ll put yourself in the anxious state of constantly thinking about the future, or what you’ll receive after you get this thing done.

What to do instead: Make the task itself more pleasant or at least inoffensive. You don’t have to threaten yourself or dangle a carrot to get something done, Dr. Sanchez says: “You’re allowed to have the carrot while you’re doing it.” Maybe you whip up a toasty mug of hot cocoa to sip while you chug through your inbox, for instance. When you soften the blow of a hard task, it’ll feel easier to focus on it—and finish it. “What actually helps us be more present,” Dr. Sanchez says, “is enjoying our presence.”

3. You compare yourself to—and evaluate yourself against—others.

You probably know that nothing good comes from using other people’s successes (or failures) as a yardstick for your own. And yet, it’s only human nature to assess where you stand relative to others. “We’re constantly trying to figure out, ‘Am I better?’ ‘Am I worse?’ ‘Am I smarter?’ ‘Does this person have more than me?’” Dr. Morray says. “If you ever spend time watching yourself respond to people, you’ll see how quickly you get pulled into evaluation and judgment.” It’s particularly noticeable—and dangerous—with social media, where people tend to share just the highlights: “You’re comparing your backstage with other people’s front-of-house,” Dr. Morray says. But she contends that this also happens often, if more subtly, in our IRL interactions. In any scenario, it’s bound to make you feel uncomfortable with yourself, or as if you’re not good enough, or like there’s some reason that this other person has the thing you want, Dr. Sanchez says.