7 Therapists Share Their Best Advice for Coping With Existential Dread and Grief

Adrienne Heinz, PhD, a research scientist at Stanford University who specializes in treating trauma and addiction, tells SELF that during periods of heartache it’s still necessary to find small moments of happiness to cope. “Even in grief, it’s still possible to cultivate hope and move toward meaningful change each day,” she says. She suggests keeping it simple and small—taking a walk outside in nature, making crafts, or doing something kind for someone you love can make you feel more grounded.

4. Recognize that you can do something to help, even when things feel hopeless.

“Accepting the lack of control is difficult,” Sara Kuburic, a doctor of psychotherapy science and trauma-informed clinician who’s lived through war, tells SELF. “Sometimes all we can choose is our attitude, then identify what lesson we want to take with us.”

To create realistic expectations about what you can do for people in need of collective aid, she recommends that you ask yourself some questions connecting your emotions to a realistic plan. This could sound like, “How, specifically, do my feelings and values relate to what’s happening in the world? How can I take practical steps to reflect that belief system and help others? How can I show up authentically?”

By zeroing in on what you can control, you can figure out what to actually do about it. Gabes Torres, MA, a psychotherapist who specializes in trauma, tells SELF that compassion and solidarity are key in this moment, and the next one, and always. “Listen to the grief, anger, and dread, but make sure you oscillate: Move back and forth from recognizing the emotion and using the emotion as the power source to propel you into collective action,” they say. “Emotion is energy—collective action is the antidote.”

Drawing on your feelings to help others serves your mental health, too. “Taking action can reduce feelings of helplessness and increase feelings of optimism, empowerment, and social solidarity, which research has shown to alleviate psychological distress,” Renteria says.

In terms of what to actually do: “Making calls and writing letters to Congress, boycotting, and educating others on what is happening” are all helpful, Renteria says. “Make sure to pace yourself so you don’t burn out.” If you’re able to donate, several humanitarian aid organizations assist those directly affected by violence. Volunteering your time and energy in any capacity can also help to alleviate depression and anxiety in times of crisis, even if that work isn’t directly related to the wider issue. Becoming active in mutual aid groups serving neighbors in need, pitching in at soup kitchens and food pantries, and organizing clothing drives are all good ways to help out on a local level.

However you prioritize your mental health right now, keep in mind that taking care of yourself can help you find clearer paths toward taking effective action. As McCullough notes, “We are able to hold the weight of this moment while allowing ourselves space for reprieve.”

If you or someone you love is in a crisis, you can get support by calling 988 to reach the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or by texting HOME to 741-741, the Crisis Text Line.

Related:

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