Running into your ex is always a possibility if you live in the same zip code — especially if you still share mutual friends, or frequent a lot of the same bars, coffee shops, etc. Pay attention to how your ex acts when that happens. Do they seem awkward or happy to see you? Do they reminisce about old times? All of those behaviors can hint at lingering feelings. But if your ex appears totally casual and comfortable in your presence, they’re either an incredible actor (and they’re freaking out on the inside) or their feelings for you may have changed.
If you’re still not over your ex, but you suspect they’re over you, Trombetti says there are several things you can do. She advises seeking out a breakup coach, who can help you to navigate some challenging emotions associated with your split, refraining from looking at their social media, and address whatever personal issues might have contributed to the end of the relationship.
“Realize that we all have bad dating patterns and make a change,” she adds. “You will be stronger and more confident in yourself moving forward and able to select the best partner for you because of it.”
Remember: None of these signs guarantees that your ex is over you. Of course, realizing that your former bae isn’t hanging their hopes on getting back together can be tough to swallow. But as Trombetti notes, letting go of your past is the best way to pave the way for romantic happiness in your future.
You can’t know for sure whether or not your ex is still holding a torch for you, but ultimately, it’s not really your job to figure that out. Rather than focusing on their feelings, try focusing on yours. And above all, remember to be patient with yourself. Getting over someone isn’t something that happens overnight, nor does it happen in a straight line. Embrace the journey and every bump along the way, knowing that you’ll be a wiser, more self-aware future partner because of it.
Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and relationship expert
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