3 Things to Do If a Friend Is Always Late and You Just Can’t Take It Anymore

So try not to take it personally. Instead, shift your perspective and acknowledge that their actions aren’t about you. This strategy is, essentially, an example of how cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) works. This form of psychotherapy is based on the idea that “when you can change your thoughts, you can change your behavior or feelings,” Dr. Stratyner says. In this case, changing your POV on the situation can reduce the stress and anxiety you feel about your friend never being on time, she explains.

Express your needs with care and compassion.

You want your friend to be aware that your blood boils when they leave you hanging, but it’s important to communicate your frustration delicately. Try not to scold or reprimand them about what they’re doing wrong—no one likes to feel personally attacked. When you point out someone’s irritating behavior, you want to lay out the facts, share how the situation makes you feel, and express what you want instead, Dr. Stratyner says.

This approach lets your buddy know how their actions affect you without causing them to feel threatened (which will likely make them tense and defensive). Plus, when you address things rationally, you’re less likely to become emotional and flip out like an asshole (which, let me tell you from firsthand experience, sucks and doesn’t change anything).

So start with something like, “I noticed that sometimes when we meet, you run late.” Then say how it makes you feel: “When you’re late, I feel hurt,” for example. Don’t be afraid to get vulnerable, Dr. Stratyner adds—if their tardiness upsets you because it makes you wonder if they really care about your friendship, tell them. But again, focus on your feelings (without blaming them), Dr. Stratyner says. Next, share what you need—go with a line like, “I would really appreciate it if we could find some kind of solution so we can both arrive on time.”

Finally, let them know you’re willing to work with them—maybe that means choosing a restaurant that’s closer to their house or suggesting times that work better for them. “This is a way of showing that you care while assertively expressing your own needs,” Dr. Stratyner says.

Encourage them when they show up on time.

If your friend continues to run late after you bring up your concerns, try to not lose it. Yes, that might be easier said than done if you’ve been pushed to your edge, but keep in mind that it’s going to take time for your friend to change their behavior. Instead of consistently chastising them, let them know you’re appreciative when they arrive on time, Dr. Stratyner suggests.

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